Boys. They make us crazy. We’ve all huddled around our phones planning out the perfect text to send our crushes and waited for a reply. We’ve all strategized to be in the “right place at the right time” in order to get noticed by our crush. We’ve also all felt that drop in our stomach when we understand that our crush doesn’t want us in the way we want them. It hurts. We feel like a big part of our world is now missing and there’s a sense of emptiness that takes over. But what’s worse is we then go on to analyze every part of us in order to try and figure out what went wrong and why we aren’t good enough. It sounds pretty terrible when it is spelled out for you on a screen but this is the reality for so many girls. We, S & B, have been there multiple times and we’ve learned a few things along the way. So today’s post is going to talk about how you can accept those feelings from crushes who left you behind and to look at yourself and your future crushes in a new light.
Rejection does NOT mean failure in the ‘language of love’
Girls, we have all been rejected one time or another and it’s a lie to say that we hadn’t thought that we somehow failed ourselves when it happened. This is totally a natural feeling because look at all your girlfriends who’ve felt the same way! BUT you need to change your mindset. REJECTION DOES NOT EQUAL FAILURE. Finding a significant other in a world with so many people is such a challenge especially since you are categorized by age, cities, even schools! So how is it fair to think that every person you like SHOULD like you back?! Everyone is looking for something different and just because someone doesn’t see the amazing qualities you have to offer doesn’t mean you have failed or that they are ‘missing out’; they are just looking for different qualities in a person! And we get it, emotions get in the way of rational thinking when it comes to having a crush, but just try to think about it this way: we are all looking for someone to spend our time with and care for us so if someone doesn’t think that person is you, then you get a clear message that this is not the person for you either. YOU ARE NOT BEING REJECTED, YOU HAVE JUST REALIZED THAT THIS PERSON IS NOT YOUR MATCH. In today’s society it’s so easy to make someone a winner and loser in love. But since when is love a game? Sometimes you get so caught up with emotions regarding your crush that this DOES become a game. You become so obsessed that for you it starts to feel like you need to get your crush because then you will feel like you won. BUT there is a HUGE difference between a crush and love. You CANNOT be in love with someone just because you stared at them from across the room or because they smiled and said “Hi” to you in the hallway. Rather, love is such a fragile and vulnerable feeling. So girls please, don’t look at a crush not liking you back as rejection because you are just one step closer to finding ‘the one’. It may not seem like that at first but TRUST us, there is light at the end of this tunnel.
It Should come naturally
So, we’re halfway through 2017 and as the years go on, we get more technologically savvy but in terms of love, we are straying further and further away from it. Texting, Tinder, Clubs, and no commitment relationships are all we know at this point. Now don’t get me wrong, there are people who find love and it’s what gives the rest of us hope. But honestly, from personal experience, we have seen little to no guys that show respect for a girl and want to prove their love for them. It almost sounds funny reading that because the idea of proving your love for someone sounds ‘pathetic’ or ‘wimpy’ in today’s society. But honestly, what girl wouldn’t want a hand written note? I don’t know anyone who would prefer a half-hearted text asking to hang out over a knock on the front door with some flowers in hand. Instead we, girls, strategize over our best angle so we can post a selfie on Instagram that may or may not get a like from our crush. We screenshot texts and send them to friends to analyze what our crush is saying. It shouldn’t be like this. It should be natural. We should be able to strike up a conversation with someone we’re interested in and if they feel the same, they WILL SHOW IT. They will not lead you on or have you play games until you’re heartbroken. There is one thing we know about guys; they do NOT over analyze anything. If you get to know a guy you like and you feel like you are pulling a lot of the weight when it comes to making plans or starting conversations then STOP. It is NOT worth your time. The right guy will make sure to show you he wants to hang out and talk to you. IT WILL BE NATURAL. And we know, it’s hard to let go of a crush, but if you can see that it’ll probably end with your heart broken in two; run before it happens and wait for a situation where you aren’t trying so hard to make things work.
Okay so this tip will help you so much in finding the right guy for YOU. We, S & B, have recently had an epiphany of our own about what we are looking for in a guy. About a year ago both of us didn’t know what we wanted, we just hoped for someone to go to the movies with and cuddle. THIS IS NOT WRONG BY THE WAY. If you are looking for that, then its totally fine! But we realized that what will truly make us happy is having the ability to have meaningful conversations with a significant other. We want to have similar goals for the future, share a sense of humour and just be in love with the person we’re with inside and out. In order to get to this conclusion, we had to understand what we want in life. Our “How to Be Confident” post helps with figuring out who you are and strut your way through life which can actually help you find ‘the one’ so you can check that out for more tips. The bottom line is that knowing your strengths and weaknesses will help you understand what type of person will match with you. This, in turn, will help keep you away from meaningless heartbreaking crushes that don’t go anywhere because you weren’t a match to begin with. Recently, we went to a bar and it was a perfect example of how knowing yourself will lead you to understanding what is right and wrong. The bar had many guys that would come up to you and talk you up, but there was a clear sense of not caring about our personalities but rather our looks or just the fact that we are female! Again, some girls like the bar and club scene which is totally okay because everyone is looking for different things. But we realized as we stood there with our drinks in hand, that we weren’t comfortable. This was not the place for us to be able to have a natural conversation with someone. Knowing that about ourselves, we were able to better understand that there are other places we can meet people and this bar was not one of them. So girls, remember to reflect on your experiences and see where you shine and feel like yourself because that’s where you’re going to find meaningful conversations and maybe even ‘the one’. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe! Be positive, happy and confident and know your aspirations in life and your perfect guy will come your way! We know that may sound VERY hard to believe, but loving and knowing yourself first and foremost is SO important before you can even try to love and know someone else.
All in all, what we want to emphasize is that we understand that when you have a crush you sometimes centre your life around them. You could spend hours thinking about someone, whereas they might not even think about you for even a second. A crush is NOT love and don’t let it get so far that you start blaming yourself for it not working out. SO many girls say that a crush gives them purpose and something to look forward to everyday. But why should we let a crush dictate our mood everyday? Why can’t we be confident in ourselves and treat ourselves with respect even if a guy fails to do that?
S & B
Note: We do not own any of the pictures used in this post